Letting the dullness set in.....

I have begun to feel very bored and restless after not working for a while. Initially it didn't bother me. I hated my job and I was relieved to not be there anymore. It was making me depressed and I hated to get knowing I was going to have to be there. Now my daily routine has become so mundane. Since I don't have a vehicle at this time I am stuck at home all day. I watch movies on netflix and hulu. I can't stand daytime tv so I watch movies all the time or documentaries. I don't take naps so I'm up all day. I play with Lily some and also read. I will just be glad when something comes through. I need something to keep my mind active during the day. But I am still optimistic, I know that something will come through for me when the time is right. I will just have to find some more things to do. I think a trip to hobby lobby this weekend is in order lol. I should be able to come up with some projects in there. 

Live and Forgive

I didn't feel very well today, for the most part my head has been hurting all day and I was severely nauseated. I'm feeling a little better now, but my head still kind of hurts. At least I did get some things accomplished today. I got a lot of junk out of the bedroom that I don't need, so I am trying to get a little bit done every day. I never unpacked a lot of stuff when we moved here since I never liked this house. Hopefully things will go as planned and we can move this Sunday. I will be relieved to be out of this house. I've never liked it and there is tooo much going on over here.

So I am watching this movie called "Overcome" the main character in the movie treated people very badly and chose the wrong thing most of the time. His parents prayed that he would be able to find his way. He ended up in a car accident the driver was drunk and so was he. The car they hit was a girl that went to the same school as he did and he died for a few minutes. The girls knee was messed up pretty bad. The main character had a vision when he died at the hospital. He saw all the wrong things he had done in his life and felt all the sadness he caused. He then set out to make amends with people he had done wrong.

I felt a similar experience at one point in my life. I wouldn't say I had a vision but I knew finally that I needed to start doing the right things in life. I then set out to choose to help people and start a relationship with my sister that I never really felt was there. I let my dad know how I felt about the verbal abuse he put me through when I was younger, but I let him know that I forgave him for it. No one is perfect and we are now on better terms, I also apologized for things I have said and done. I feel better about the person I am know. I asked God for forgiveness for the things that I have done. I still have some people to fix things with, but I feel good inside when I help people and do good things. That's how I choose to live now. Respect everyone and help when you can. :)

Lily and the dreaded sofa

Ok, first off let start by saying that I have a "special" cat. Unlike most cats that enjoy time to themselves, she has to constantly be where I am so needless to say she is very codependent lol. Our sofa has this little ok big hole in the middle. We (me and my bf) had to pry into the sofa one day when his phone got stuck inside the sofa lol. So now I will cover the hole (sofa with a hole sounds so trashy hahaha) so that we can still sit on the sofa. Lily has taken it upon herself to get stuck inside the sofa about 5 times. I will only know because I will feel something moving around under me. She has no sense, but I love my baby. I just got her out of the sofa not too long ago.

So we are still tying to find a place to move to, and we barely have anything packed. So hopefully we can find something quickly. I'm listening to my favorite jam now Maroon 5's "Moves like Jagger", I must confess I do listen to my headphones and dance while I am cooking or just around the house. I would compare the moves what Napoleon Dynamite was doing but hey I do have some moves. And I still sing with my hair brush haha. On this note of letting out my embarrassing secrets I will say good night :)

And the tears...will always fall

The start of my day today was as mundane as any other. I was hurting a lot from my fibromyalia symptoms so it took me a while to get out of bed.

When in your life do you look around you and think...what happened? How did I get to this point in my life? I am always starting things and never finishing them. I either feel I can't really do it or I just plain get bored with it. Right now I don't know what to do. When you have depression its like this little person that is always there with you, then suddenly when you finally think you are feeling great. That little person whispers something in your ear to tear you down completely. I feel blessed for the things in my life. I am not materialistic so I am blessed to have people who care about me and the little things in life. I don't know what to do with myself anymore, I'm tired of rejections and things I can never get the courage to do.

I know that in life there will be bumpy roads and lots of hard paths. I feel like I have been down plenty. However with each problem I look at things differently, I try to understand the situation and learn from it. I hate this phrase but right now I do feel like I am between a rock and a hard place. Where do I go now? I guess I will let God shine a light on the path I should go.

The Ham

So since I forgot to add this to my last blog, I am cooking a ham for Christmas. I usually create different glazes each year so I am going to see how this one turns out. There will be a mixture of things included. So hopefully it will turn out to our liking. Normally when I throw things together they turn out fairly well. So I am not really concerned about mixing up something new. I will be adding some of my awesome (so vain) recipes to my blog for all to enjoy. So for now, I am going to kick back and chill until I decide to cook. Ciao!

Life and Times of Tanqueray Sunshine: Tis the season....to annoy me

Life and Times of Tanqueray Sunshine: Tis the season....to annoy me: This morning I woke to a headache and loud ass music from the neighbors...Merry Christmas indeed. I had a breakfast of pizza and amp lemonad...

Tis the season....to annoy me

This morning I woke to a headache and loud ass music from the neighbors...Merry Christmas indeed. I had a breakfast of pizza and amp lemonade...again Merry Christmas. I wish I some wine to drink with that pizza that would make my day merrier ha ha ha. But really I'm not gonna complain that much. I have family and friends who care about me so that's all that matters.

Ok people I am going to do a few product reviews for items that top Tanqueray's list 


1. Giovanni (Eco Chic) smooth as silk shampoo and conditioner. 
- I love the Giovanni line of products they are natural and do not contain any sulfates. The conditioner works magic on my hair, and I normally follow it with their leave in conditioner and my hair is soft and insanely manageable.
2. Oyin Handmade sugar berry pomade.
-The stuff smells good enough to eat and moisturizes my hair wonderfully. I like to use heavier moisturizers during the winter for protection. The original Burnt Sugar pomade smells great too. Your head smells like candy :)  
As far as daily moisturizing sprays, I make my own. I use vegetable glycerin, a small amount of the giovanni conditioner, and any essential oils I would like to use at that time, My favorites are blending lavender and lemon, and making a citrus blend with sweet orange oil, lemon oil, and grapefruit oil. After that I use purified water or rose water in the container and shake to combine. You can kind of estimate how much vegetable glycerin you would like to use. You don't want it to be too heavy or it will leave a residue on your hair.

So far this winter I have been wearing my hair in two strands and keeping my hair covered. I actually purchased a wig with a short cut to wear over my two strands sometimes. I like that it is short and trust me it took a lot of debating on my part to decide if I wanted to buy it. I don't care about having straight hair, however I don't want to get my hair braided or put into kinky twists anymore. So with this I am able to easily protect my hair.

Plans for Christmas- well I will be making a small meal, not really feeling like doing it surprisingly since I do love to cook, but I don't know it just doesn't feel like Christmas.

So for all those out there enjoy your day and spend time with those you love. :)

The wake of evil

I woke up this morning feeling like shit and like the sun reached out and slapped me. I laid in the bed longer only to have Lily -my cat STEP on my head to make me get up. Apparently although my boyfriend had been up for some time and preoccupied watching football he let Lily starve...ok well starve is a harsh word but remain hungry. I proceeded with my daily morning stuff boring things, took my medication and got a letter in the mail regarding an accident I was in back in June. So apparently the total cost of the insurance companies bill is $45,000 lmfao are you serious. I'm not even employed and you think I can pay that. They didn't even have any injuries and they only had liability. So I just got a headache after reading that bs. I will be calling my lawyer Monday or Tuesday regarding this matter. So on the upside, with me not having a damn thing to do every day I have been able to start reading some new books and also finish crocheting a scarf for my bestie that was supposed to be done like last year lol. I have fibromyalgia and also arthritis so it has been a bit difficult for me to complete the task, but I am very proud now that it is done. I try to live my life by doing good things for other people not because I want something but because I actually enjoy making people happy. I don't feel this way all the time sometimes I get very depressed and see no point to anything. During these times I try to find something positive to focus on. I didn't used to be able to do that. I suffer from major depression and anxiety. My life at my former job made my existence everyday very depressing. I hated what I  was doing and how you were always micro-managed. Nothing ever stayed the same, and there was this glass ceiling that prevented most people from moving up anywhere in the company. I hated every day I was there. Initially I didn't feel this way, it was only my last year that it became complete hell for me to be there. Now I feel like there has been this weight lifted off me and I am just relieved every day to not be there. My motto Carpediem!