Let there be foot pain every day

It's been a while since I have posted anything. I am now working in retail pharmacy again and for the love of God. I am not used to being on my freaking feet all day anymore. You know your feet are hurting when it feels like your soul is crying inside hahaha. I actually felt nauseated by the pain. I'm like wtf? How does this even happen. So needless to say, this is definitely not for me. I will work with it for a while though, or as long as it is tolerable.

I've been slacking on my cooking some since we (me and my bf) moved to our new apartment. I still get the urge to get in there and throw something new together and create an awesome dish, but lately I have just been too tired to even think about it. I have been craving Thai food for the longest and I am finally going to my favorite Thai place in KC Thai House, they make a mean phad thai (MY FAV!) but of course I always have to have them tone down the heat. I'm going to try something else tomorrow since I tend to get stuck on one thing that I like. I'm going to try their Phad Kee Mao it sounds great and I love the really fresh ingredients that this restaurant uses. They never disappoint, so if you are in the area make sure you check them out.

Letting the dullness set in.....

I have begun to feel very bored and restless after not working for a while. Initially it didn't bother me. I hated my job and I was relieved to not be there anymore. It was making me depressed and I hated to get knowing I was going to have to be there. Now my daily routine has become so mundane. Since I don't have a vehicle at this time I am stuck at home all day. I watch movies on netflix and hulu. I can't stand daytime tv so I watch movies all the time or documentaries. I don't take naps so I'm up all day. I play with Lily some and also read. I will just be glad when something comes through. I need something to keep my mind active during the day. But I am still optimistic, I know that something will come through for me when the time is right. I will just have to find some more things to do. I think a trip to hobby lobby this weekend is in order lol. I should be able to come up with some projects in there. 

Live and Forgive

I didn't feel very well today, for the most part my head has been hurting all day and I was severely nauseated. I'm feeling a little better now, but my head still kind of hurts. At least I did get some things accomplished today. I got a lot of junk out of the bedroom that I don't need, so I am trying to get a little bit done every day. I never unpacked a lot of stuff when we moved here since I never liked this house. Hopefully things will go as planned and we can move this Sunday. I will be relieved to be out of this house. I've never liked it and there is tooo much going on over here.

So I am watching this movie called "Overcome" the main character in the movie treated people very badly and chose the wrong thing most of the time. His parents prayed that he would be able to find his way. He ended up in a car accident the driver was drunk and so was he. The car they hit was a girl that went to the same school as he did and he died for a few minutes. The girls knee was messed up pretty bad. The main character had a vision when he died at the hospital. He saw all the wrong things he had done in his life and felt all the sadness he caused. He then set out to make amends with people he had done wrong.

I felt a similar experience at one point in my life. I wouldn't say I had a vision but I knew finally that I needed to start doing the right things in life. I then set out to choose to help people and start a relationship with my sister that I never really felt was there. I let my dad know how I felt about the verbal abuse he put me through when I was younger, but I let him know that I forgave him for it. No one is perfect and we are now on better terms, I also apologized for things I have said and done. I feel better about the person I am know. I asked God for forgiveness for the things that I have done. I still have some people to fix things with, but I feel good inside when I help people and do good things. That's how I choose to live now. Respect everyone and help when you can. :)

Lily and the dreaded sofa

Ok, first off let start by saying that I have a "special" cat. Unlike most cats that enjoy time to themselves, she has to constantly be where I am so needless to say she is very codependent lol. Our sofa has this little ok big hole in the middle. We (me and my bf) had to pry into the sofa one day when his phone got stuck inside the sofa lol. So now I will cover the hole (sofa with a hole sounds so trashy hahaha) so that we can still sit on the sofa. Lily has taken it upon herself to get stuck inside the sofa about 5 times. I will only know because I will feel something moving around under me. She has no sense, but I love my baby. I just got her out of the sofa not too long ago.

So we are still tying to find a place to move to, and we barely have anything packed. So hopefully we can find something quickly. I'm listening to my favorite jam now Maroon 5's "Moves like Jagger", I must confess I do listen to my headphones and dance while I am cooking or just around the house. I would compare the moves what Napoleon Dynamite was doing but hey I do have some moves. And I still sing with my hair brush haha. On this note of letting out my embarrassing secrets I will say good night :)

And the tears...will always fall

The start of my day today was as mundane as any other. I was hurting a lot from my fibromyalia symptoms so it took me a while to get out of bed.

When in your life do you look around you and think...what happened? How did I get to this point in my life? I am always starting things and never finishing them. I either feel I can't really do it or I just plain get bored with it. Right now I don't know what to do. When you have depression its like this little person that is always there with you, then suddenly when you finally think you are feeling great. That little person whispers something in your ear to tear you down completely. I feel blessed for the things in my life. I am not materialistic so I am blessed to have people who care about me and the little things in life. I don't know what to do with myself anymore, I'm tired of rejections and things I can never get the courage to do.

I know that in life there will be bumpy roads and lots of hard paths. I feel like I have been down plenty. However with each problem I look at things differently, I try to understand the situation and learn from it. I hate this phrase but right now I do feel like I am between a rock and a hard place. Where do I go now? I guess I will let God shine a light on the path I should go.

The Ham

So since I forgot to add this to my last blog, I am cooking a ham for Christmas. I usually create different glazes each year so I am going to see how this one turns out. There will be a mixture of things included. So hopefully it will turn out to our liking. Normally when I throw things together they turn out fairly well. So I am not really concerned about mixing up something new. I will be adding some of my awesome (so vain) recipes to my blog for all to enjoy. So for now, I am going to kick back and chill until I decide to cook. Ciao!

Life and Times of Tanqueray Sunshine: Tis the season....to annoy me

Life and Times of Tanqueray Sunshine: Tis the season....to annoy me: This morning I woke to a headache and loud ass music from the neighbors...Merry Christmas indeed. I had a breakfast of pizza and amp lemonad...